she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
