White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
