im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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