I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
