I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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