my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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