So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
