Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
