Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
