I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
