I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
