My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
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