There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
