Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Randomize
