you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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