Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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