never play flip cup with pint glasses
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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