I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I think my moral compass just broke
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
