When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
