exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
