3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
