He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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