you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
