I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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