a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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