you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
