Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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