just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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