Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
porn star boner night. come get it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My feet surprised me
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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