You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
this is an emotional support booty call
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
