he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
