And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
