So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
