Jerry, you need to find god
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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