nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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