There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
