We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
