Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
