Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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