Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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