my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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