Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
