Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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