The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
