i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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