you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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