I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
