When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
