Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
