The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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