A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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