just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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