I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
