we're chasing vodka with high fives
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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